QUATER CENTURY LIFE CRISIS

I'm turning a certain age sometime soon and I've been dreading it more and more as it draws near. I don't know what the rationale is behind this very IRrational fear - I've been putting a lot of thought into it and I think I've nailed it! I am scared that life is passing me by far too quickly. Or I think I've just got this pre-contemplated list of 'THINGS TO DO BEFORE I'M 30' and I've just only barely scratched the surface (which, essentially is the exact same as the latter).

In response to this fear of turning ....*whispers... twentyfour, I've been participating in activities and doing things I've never done before. Ok, don't get too ahead of yourself, I make these 'activities' sound so rebellious and daring, but I assure you, they are not.

: I DYED MY VIRGIN BLACK HAIR. (cut it again too, damnit, so much for growing it for the wedding!) So no big deal, right? Not at all! Ive been wanting to dye my hair for a while, always too scared! I call the salon at noon hoping to book for next week, and I was in the salon chair by 4 that same afternoon. impulsive, spur of the moment and I really didn't know what colour I even wanted..

: I PIERCED MY NOSE. I've also been wanting to do this for a very long time, always too nervous because my pain tolerance is as low as a 3 year old's. I woke up, just today, and walked right into a local piercing place. Voila! I have a ring on my right nare and my mother nearly ripped it off when she saw me for the first time. "WHAT DID YOU DO!" *shakes head in shame. Again, implusive decision

: I STARTED A BLOG. I've always had a journal and I enjoy writing in it. But who uses real journals these days anyway> So grade 6! Either starting this was an attempt to 'stay with the times' or I've finally realized that typing things is way more efficient and neat (vs writing).

: TAKING CARE OF MYSELF. Taking care of myself suddenly became a sort of ultimatum for me. I have a fear that if I don't start NOW, I will be old, alone, obese and disease ridden by the time I'm 45 (push 50). I look at my photos from even a year ago and I've actually said: I AM PASSED MY PRIME. I tell everyone this, and they look at me like I've got shit on my face. I'm passed my prime, and if I don't take care of myself starting NOW, I will be further and further from that peak.


I'm turning 24. Which is almost 25. Which means I'll be married soon. Which means I'll have kids soon, a house sooner. Which means an array of new and life changing responsibilities. I guess I'm just accustomed to the kind of life I have currently and I don't want things to change - even though, all of these changes are actually FANTASTIC.

.. am I scared of change?