MONEY

I sometimes wish I had all of it.. or none of it. And be gone with being in the middle.

SIGNS

1. oasis HD featured France in the episode I watched yesterday
2. Today's paper featered Mykonos and Santorini in their travel section
3. I came accross a very trendy version of a travel guide to France while I was at the mall
4. My coworker and I had an intense conversation about his 6 month trip to Europe.
5. My newly found blogger (someone I found on fb and tumblr) had a mother load of posts and pictures of Western Europe.

The more I see these photos and hear other peoples' stories, the more my mind runs through my own memories of our short trip to Europe. I haven't traveled much at all but it's hard to describe my feelings for Europe, more specifically France. I didn't get to travel throughout France very much but whenever my mind snaps back to us walking through Paris my heart pitter patters and smiles dreamlily at my thoughts. I've been wanting to go through my photos but I avoid doing so because it almost hurts to look at it. I miss every second of it and have been longing to go back for a while now.

Ok let's describe it this way..It almost feels like Paris was an amazing, hot and heavy, but short fling I had back in 2009. Star crossed lovers brought to eachother by fate. Then suddenly, we were torn apart and I never heard from him again. All I have now are my memories and photos to remember our time together. I hear of other peoples' flings with him and then pangs of jealousy, longing, happiness and sadness all simoultaneously mix into my chest.

This sounds so emotional, but I kid you not, this is truly what I feel when I see and hear other peoples' stories of Paris. I've always wanted to travel to other places, but these emotions are so intense that I feel like I'd rather just go back to France rather than travel to other parts of the world I've never been to. Traveling everywhere used to be my dream, but France is where I want to be.

He's calling my name.. *sigh

THE STRUGGLE TO STAY CONNECTED

I've spent many many drunken nights with my good old blackberry bold. (I've only had it for 6 months... ) When you're holding your phone and your vodka cran in one hand, sometimes you lose grip of the phone.. not sometimes- but very often. I mean, when it comes down to it.... what really IS more important? My 5 dollar cocktail or my phone? Right? My point is, my phone has seen it's rougher days but never has it actually said "OKAY THAT'S IT YOU NEGLEGENT PHONE OWNER" and given up on me. It's been so good to me!

Until....

I was enjoying the company of my ever so handsome Max and decided to hand him over my blackberry. He just loves pressing buttons! BUT, he's also decided that throwing things on the floor and listening to the loud clang is super enjoyable.

So...

My phone's broken. Byebye bbm, byebye data, byebye facebook whereever I please, byebye CONNECTED.



It's a hundred times more shitty because the only thing wrong with it is the screen. It functions normally, recieving texts, bbms, makes phone calls, access to the internet.. but none of these functions are useful to me if the blasted screen doesn't work. So it dings and chirps whenever someone is trying to message or email me.. but all I can do is sit there and watch it blink red knowing I'll never know what that message held... (is that pathetic.. maybe.. a little)

I won't be getting a new phone for at least another 2 weeks, but holy camole, I thought it would be easier to be disconnected. I guess I didn't realize how much I depended on my phone for entertainment. I told Dre that I could probably try to live without a smartphone.. to which he replied with a look that stated "you're joking right? you, babe?".

I'm taking this as a challenge. I SO can live without being connected via a smartphone.. I mean, what have we come to?? I can live without bbm, I can live with out 24/7 access to the wonderful world wide web. YES I CAN!

With a little struggle, yes.. I think I can. Well, bottom line is, I really don't even have a choice BUT to live without it. Wish me luck!

THE TERROR THAT IS THE BATHING SUIT.

Ok ladies, the sun's presence is making itself increasingly familiar here in ywg and there's a quiet but familiar fear that's creeping up behind me as the seasons change.

As I shed the layers of black, studded and leather goodies, I am reminded that my fashion kryptonite is summer. Living here makes you an expert at dressing in layers and for the seasons fall and winter. It also makes you quite amateur at dressing for anything warmer than 15 degrees celsius.

Given the near 30 degree weather we've been having lately, the beach has been on my mind. Which, simply means I've been running like a mad woman (outside more than inside to work on getting back some colour) and shopping online for some figure flattering *insert ominous music here* BATHING SUITS.

I'm over the bikini...(that's a lie, I'm not over it, I just can't wear them anymore) and I've come to the conclusion that your basic tankini is just not flattering.

I am loooove the 60's inspired suits. I tried some on recently and THEY ARE A WINNER, ladies!! Flattering, tasteful and sexy.

MY FIRST TRY

My favourite accessories are my feather earrings. I have several pairs and I wear them often. This one didn't come in a set- just one. I love feathers so much that you best believe that my bm's and moh's will be sporting some of these beauties on the big day! Check out Ruby Feathers, a local maker of fabulous leather and feather goodies. I don't know how I'll incorporate it for myself, yet.

CONTRADICTION

I follow a handful of fashion/photography blogs on a daily basis. It was the reason I started this blog in the first place.. Such an inspiration to see other young people with their fingers on the pulses of fashion, art and photography and share their passions with the rest of us meek observers.

When I started this blog, I didn't want it to become a 'dear diary' exposed to the general web public.. but I didn't think I had my hands deep enough in the vast world that is 'fashion' to have a whole blog based on it.

The more blogs I read, the further I feel from succeeding at the task at hand (which is to create an interesting, witty, fashion filled blog readable to all audiences). The more I read, the more I realize that I am a walking blog-tradiction.

Simply put, my life seems the exact opposie of the guys and gals I so religiously follow . I'm a full time nurse.. THEY are photographers, people watchers, fashion students and journalists. I spend most of my time dressed in lime green, hot pink and yellow floral scrubs. THEY spend their days learning the industry, wearing trendsetting outfits loud and proud. I'm a flippin blogtradiction.

Anyway, I've decided to take things a little further.. after all, I'm actually only a part time nurse.. maybe not so much a blog-tradiction as I initially thought?? Keep posted for more!

HAVE A GOOD DAY

I work a 0.2 EFT at a palliative care ward. I've always loved palliative care - i find that it takes on an entirely different realm of nursing that you often don't see in acute care wards. I just started there and I'm finding the constant transition between an acute surgical ward to a palliative care ward a little challenging.. espcially when it comes to interpersonal communication. What do you say to someone who's just lost their father? You don't come accross that often on a surgical ward, thank goodness.

I had my first death the other day. No surprise. The man was dying and the family was at the bedside. No matter how much you prepare yourself mentally for an event like this, the reality of the situation when it occurs will never compare.

So, what do you say?

After all was said and done, the family thanked us at the desk and said goodbye. I walked them off the ward, hugged the wife and told the son.....to....uh...

HAVE A GOOD DAY?

Yes, I said that. Ridiculous. Immediately after the words rolled of my tongue, I had a twisting feeling in my gut that made me want to apologize for the blunder. I just walked away and took this as a lesson. If you don't know what to say, don't say anything.

BREAKING SILENCE

Oops has it really been this long since my last post?! APOLOGIES!

scenario: boy and girl are looking at graduation photos from 2 years ago.. on the TV is shawn t's infomercial for insanity videos. START SCENE

girl: babe we need to be able to show these pictures to our kids. proof that we were once good looking and slim!
boy: you're still pretty.



girl: oh... thaaaaaaaaaanks babe.

END scenario.
Now, tell me what went wrong here? Because it took a few seconds for boy to understand girl's reaction!

you gotta love him but sometimes boy's just aren't there! YOU KNOW? *palmface.

On another note, I've been following antm this season and the first few of tyra's onesies made me shudder in disgust. However, just like justin bieber, miley, rihanna's 'rude boy', the blackberry and socks with closed toed sandals -- with repeated exposure to such crazy things, sometimes you just start to change your feelings about them! Based on sheer repeated exposure.
Proof, I now desire a onesie.. will i buy one? Who knows?! I'm still on the hunt for the perfect pair of clogs so I can wear them with long mens socks.. But with all my bbm-ing, I can't seem to find the time to shop.. On top of that, watching jbieber's snl performance and downloading miley's movie has kept me even more busy.

(.. ok well i'm really not downloading or streaming videos because I don't know HOW, but the point is I'm infatuated with these things that I once seriously disliked.) So I guess I'm off to go to hunt for my onesie!

Before I go, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ONE OF MY BFFS ROSHINI, WE'RE ONLY AS OLD AS WE LET OURSELVES THINK WE ARE. cheers to being 21! three years in a row.

PS: movies to see: hot tub time machine, she's out of your league, 500 days of summer.

WEDDING DEBATES

People always ask me how the wedding planning is going and really, it's slow. I have a year and 3 months left and last I checked on my calender, I had a year and a half! (Where did the last three months go? and hey where did my NYresolution go?!) We had another meeting with our planner (eventsbyemma.com) and it's nice to see how things are starting to become more tangeable.. We chose some linens and chair covers and got a rough idea of what our centerpeices would look like. It's so exciting and the best part is Dre is just as excited and involved in choosing pretentious details like the crystal detailing on the chair cover. (HOW AWESSOMMMMEE!)

We talked a lot about budget.. not my favourite thing to talk about, and I'm pretty sure it's going to be hard to follow. (shit is expensive these days, man.) Anyways this brings me to my WEDDING DEBATE 1: TO SOCIAL OR NOT TO SOCIAL

What's great about having a wedding planner is that she is a good source of information and advice from all her experience with Winnipeg Weddings. Dre and I always find ourselves saying "oh, really? we had no idea!" (ie: did you know taht you can't just hop into the legislative or kp or assiniboine with the wedding party to take pictures.. There is a fee and papers you must obtain prior to, otherwise, they'll kick you out!) So we ask Emma her opinion on everything including The Social.

Dre seems to want a social..no, it's certain, he wants a social. He seems to want to throw a party more than raise funds.. but I am just not willing to fuss over arranging an event so big (i hired a wedding planner for a reason, you know?)
The only socials I've ever attended have appeared to be so successful but I've definitely heard of social horror stories that became more trouble than anything.

I'm told that some people aren't as generous as they used to be because of the amount of socials being thrown every weekend.. but maybe I don't attend enough socials because all the ones I've been to have had a huge turnout and extremelty saught after prizes.

What's your opinion on Wedding Socials? YAY OR NAY?

My official vote is N TO THE AY. (primarily because i'm LAY TO THE ZEE)

FAVOURITISM

I leased my very first car almost two years ago. I'm a very indecisive person by nature and so you can imagine how difficult this decision was for me.. to settle on ONE vehicle and agree to pay for it for x amount of years. But in the end, it seemed like an effortless decision.. I have dreamy eyes when I look at my car and my heart pumps hard when I drive it.

Dre drives another vehicle *shoutout to the best kuya in the whole wide world ever and ever*. And he loves this car - loves the sport-luxury combined into one beautiful beast. Loves everything about it.

I feel like we are two parents combining our families.. of course that has its ups and downs. It takes some- in this case, A LOT - of readjusting and getting used to the other person's children..or vehicles. I don't know how it happens but sometimes I end up with his car and sometimes he ends up with mine. (But we're a family now, what's mine is his and what's his is mine. And we are to love eachothers as if they are our own!)

Driving stick is not my forte.. I tend to get my passengers nautious, nervous and/or reaching for the door handle as soon as I come to a stop.. or a mixture of all three. I can't sip on my tea while I drive Dre's car - let alone putting on plum lipstick (which requires much attention, btw). And pressing on three different pedals using both feet gets pretty difficult when you wear 4 inch heels. But I still love the car...

Dre won't admit it but he is playing favourites (BAD parent) with our children - i mean vehicles. He looks at my child like it's a nuisance .. evidence: "This car's just a hinderance". (BAD parent! I mean 'driver'). I ask him to wash it when I don't have time and I get the 'okay, later' but it never seems to happen. But you'd be lucky to see HIS child all dirty with mud and snow mold. (I don't neglect my car, I just am so awful at cleaning cars.. It's almost like I was blind when I cleaned it because half the car is still dirty.. it's impossible.) Moreover, my child's trunk handle recently failed and just yesterday I discovered that my windshield washer fluid system is not working.. (perfect for all this above 0 weather). Anyway, upon delivery this sad news to Dre last night, his "ugh" face appeared and there he goes playing the favouritism card.

Moral of the story is that playing favourites is a cruel practice; I love my car but it's quite clear that Dre loves his car more. Quit denying it Dre!!!

A POST OF COMPARISONS

FULLTIME VS PARTTIME
I work shift work. I was full time for the first year right out of university. It was okay, I was fresh and I liked the idea of being emersed in my profession because of how much I was learning on a daily basis. I liked that I could pick up overtime whenever I pleased.. Although I don't have much to show for it NOW from that first year, I had a freakin blast blowin my money away.
Currently I'm officially a 0.7 EFT. (Which, btw, simply means I work 70% of what a full time employee would work.. 30% less). I love my life now. I have time to do things that I was always too lazy and/or exhausted and/or had no time to develop interests in things that lived outside of my worklife. I'm a happier person away from work and at work. It's easier to be healthy, catch up with friends, be at home more (see comparison 2), craft, blog etc etc. I'm a happier nurse at work because I'm less exhausted and having that 'space' from your worklife (which, in my opinion, a full time does not permit) lengthens my -once, short- fuse. I don't think I'd go back to full time...... yep, never.


AVATAR VS THEHURTLOCKER
Not going to say much here but how the heck is avatar's competitor for the oscar awards the hurt locker?! HOW! Blasphemy.


HIDE IN THE FREEZER IN CASE OF HOME INVASION VS HIDE IN DRYER
Freezer.. Who needs pizza pops in the middle of a home invasion!!!!!!!


BEING THE GUY THAT GREW UP IN BC SKIING THE VERY SAME MOUNTAINS THE OLYMPICS ARE HELD IN AND FALLING ON YOUR FACE DURING YOUR ONE AND ONLY CHANCE AT AN OLYMPIC MEDAL (alpine skiing) VS THE GUY THAT FINISHES LAST
The guy that fell, FTW! It shows boldness, courage and character. And battle scars from ice and snow burns look fierce. But I think he actually finished LAST too..click below to find out more.
it's ok to mess up! too bad the video isn't on youtube yet...


LIVINGATHOME VS MOVINGOUT
I really am greatful to be living at home. Free food, free lodging, and I'm never alone. (I discovered that being solely in my own company makes me uncomfortable.. something about not hearing anyone speak to me face to face for over 2 hours makes me feel awkward..) I like living at home because it's SUPER CONVENIENT and YES, of course, I love it my when my 88 year old grandmother answers the phone and begins crying to my coworkers about her ailments. (true story, happens all the time).
But I'm *whispers 24, engaged to be married (i never understod why people say that.. what else are you engaged to be? divorced?! i just made myself chuckle cuz i totally used it anyway.. i digress), work for living.. and basically just don't have any excuse to be still living at home. I would like to know what it would be like to provide for ourselves independently, to be alone, to gain more financial responsibility, and, well, to gain some privacy.


DIE BY CHEETAH ATTACK VS DIE BY VELOSORAPTOR ATTACK
Cheetah. At least they're pretty. Here kitty kitty kitttyyyy..


DYED HAIR VS NATURAL HAIR
My hairdresser always does superb with my hair. She failed to mention, though, (until after it was dyed) that I now must upkeep my hair colour with special shampoo ($16 for 250 cc) and special conditioner ($14 for 200 cc) and come back every 6 weeks for touch ups AND (wait...for...it..) I MUST ONLY WASH MY HAIR IN COLD WATER.
For your extra knowledge, Pantene sells a 1.2 LITRE bottle of shampoo WITH conditioner for $5 at superstore.
I always was a supporter of vanity first, comfort second ..but damn, these cold showers are IMPOSSIBLE. *shivvverrrss

You got any comparisons on your mind? TRY ME.

D-DAY

(what does d-day even mean)

1/2/10 2100
I'm falling asleep on Dre's bed while we try to watch online tutorials on Adobe Photoshop elements 7 (IF anyone can give me ANY kind of help, I will pay whatever you charge!).

1/2/10 2200
Mother nature visits. We're off to a great start.

1/2/10 2330
I head home. (I hate winter driving)

1/2/10 2345
I'm on the phone with N. (a little gossip, a little of our days.. then she whispers "happy birthday".....and we continue the conversation like I almost didn't hear it)

1/2/10 2359
holds breath...tic...tok.....tic.....tok.... (in no reference to Ke$ha - but, was she weird at the Grammy's or what? No, wait, that was JBieber. *shakes head in shame)

2/2/10 0001
breathe...
breathe....sits in silence.
checks body for any changes... (ok so I didn't do that, but I'm just trying to make a point)
Well, that's that, I think! Off to bed I go.

2/2/10 0030
on the phone with R. (she makes sure I'm okay, I tell her I haven't noticed any changes and that I'd keep her posted)

2/2/10 0045
Dre's voice puts finally puts me to sleep.


The rest of the day went like any other normal day just as I had hoped for.
Dre and I went for good ol drinks and wings later in the evening. Alcohol puts me at ease. In the spurr of the moment, most of the fam came to play.. unbeknownst to them (or at least I thought) the real reason I was needing some long islands.


It was a painless day full of junk food, alcohol, no exercise and sweet sweet messages.
















Regardless of all this warm and fuzziness, 24 is where I stop counting - just an FYI.




XOXO to you all, i love you!

MY PARENTS

They leave me random notes on the dining table for me to find in the morning. Sometimes informative, sometimes rude, sometimes making me feel like I can't do much on my own. I guess this makes me feel a little young again! (*in response to my previous post)




*chicken: my diet food
**milo: my prince of a dog
***parking meters: I had jury duty downtown that day.

QUATER CENTURY LIFE CRISIS

I'm turning a certain age sometime soon and I've been dreading it more and more as it draws near. I don't know what the rationale is behind this very IRrational fear - I've been putting a lot of thought into it and I think I've nailed it! I am scared that life is passing me by far too quickly. Or I think I've just got this pre-contemplated list of 'THINGS TO DO BEFORE I'M 30' and I've just only barely scratched the surface (which, essentially is the exact same as the latter).

In response to this fear of turning ....*whispers... twentyfour, I've been participating in activities and doing things I've never done before. Ok, don't get too ahead of yourself, I make these 'activities' sound so rebellious and daring, but I assure you, they are not.

: I DYED MY VIRGIN BLACK HAIR. (cut it again too, damnit, so much for growing it for the wedding!) So no big deal, right? Not at all! Ive been wanting to dye my hair for a while, always too scared! I call the salon at noon hoping to book for next week, and I was in the salon chair by 4 that same afternoon. impulsive, spur of the moment and I really didn't know what colour I even wanted..

: I PIERCED MY NOSE. I've also been wanting to do this for a very long time, always too nervous because my pain tolerance is as low as a 3 year old's. I woke up, just today, and walked right into a local piercing place. Voila! I have a ring on my right nare and my mother nearly ripped it off when she saw me for the first time. "WHAT DID YOU DO!" *shakes head in shame. Again, implusive decision

: I STARTED A BLOG. I've always had a journal and I enjoy writing in it. But who uses real journals these days anyway> So grade 6! Either starting this was an attempt to 'stay with the times' or I've finally realized that typing things is way more efficient and neat (vs writing).

: TAKING CARE OF MYSELF. Taking care of myself suddenly became a sort of ultimatum for me. I have a fear that if I don't start NOW, I will be old, alone, obese and disease ridden by the time I'm 45 (push 50). I look at my photos from even a year ago and I've actually said: I AM PASSED MY PRIME. I tell everyone this, and they look at me like I've got shit on my face. I'm passed my prime, and if I don't take care of myself starting NOW, I will be further and further from that peak.


I'm turning 24. Which is almost 25. Which means I'll be married soon. Which means I'll have kids soon, a house sooner. Which means an array of new and life changing responsibilities. I guess I'm just accustomed to the kind of life I have currently and I don't want things to change - even though, all of these changes are actually FANTASTIC.

.. am I scared of change?

MENSTRUATION

Menstruation: A period of time (usually lasting from 4-6 days) when a woman's uterine lining is shed after being thickened throughout the previous weeks. This event normally occurs once a month. A woman typically begins (menarche) menstruation at around the age of 12 and menopause may begin around the age of 52. (Let me break that down for you: that's 40 years of menstruation. 40 years multiplied by 12 months equals 480 times that a woman - on average - may experience menstruation. FOUR HUNDRED EIGHTY!)

PREVIOUS to these 4-6 days, a woman may experience a variety of uncomfortable symptoms. I'll list some here: moodswings, bloating, cravings, acne outbreak, headaches, migraines, severe/immobilizing abdominal pain, extreme irritability, back pain, and fatigue - to name a few.

DURING the 4-6 days, a woman has to worry about: leaks - which requires consistent checking, odours, hygiene, inability to participate in activities she normally participates in, wearing really uncomfortable feminine products and inability to sleep comfortably because of the high chance of nasty leaks. (Can I get any more detailed?)

All together - including premenstrual symptoms - a woman faces roughly about 2 weeks (out of the month) of this hormone bonanza and all its crazy effects.

I'll get to my point now: Today, I took a look at my "always ultra thins" and the adhesive on the handy wings of the pad said: "have a happy period!"




and to that, i say: Fuck you, dumbass. There's no such thing, asshole.



-The menstruating xtine

INDECISIVE PEOPLE CAN'T PLAN WEDDINGS

We got engaged on May 31st, 2009. And our official wedding date is.. *drrrrum roolll* June 11, 2011. 24 month engagement? UNHEARD of, right? Probably the longest engagement WE'VE even heard of.



Besides the maybe not so obvious extensive financial planning we must endure for this wedding, we've been taking our time primarily because I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I WANT. It was an instant desire to have a destination wedding.. think small crowd dressed in pastel linens - lots of beige and pure white. Blue ocean, white sands, sunset. Seashell decor, votive candles dressing the tables, maybe a few anchors here and there, .. etc,etc etc.

Ah yes, this was my dream until I saw pictures of weddings full of GRAND elegance - ceiling to the floor. Now, I'm talking gold linens, tall centerpieces, chiavari chairs, chandeliers, princess ball gowns (questionable) etc etc etc. This is NOW my dream.. and the one I'm following through with.

It was also an instant desire to have a lace body fitting wedding dress.. something along the lines of Jim Hjelm's collection. Recently though, (here it comes, another switcheroo) I've been loving the idea empire waisted taffeta and whimsical fairy looks. Don't even get me started on what I've been wanting for my pretty BMs.. My ideas change every second of the clock or with every other weddingblog picture I see. Sorry my beautiful bm's! We still have a lot of time, anyway.... right? :)

So where are we now on our time line? one, two... four, five, SIX months later, we've made three and a half decisions: DATE/LOCATION/BRIDAL PARTY (one half). ( Looks like Adrian is a little indecisive, too! ) The budget isn't even decided on.. All I know is that I should feel like a hoarder of money this next year and a half except cuter, cleaner and more mentally stable than the hoarders you see on TV.

After the wedding show this weekend, I am filled with ideas and sheer excitement. I feel like we're finally headed in a specific direction! FI NA LEEE! But it still remains the truth that I am probably the most indecisive person you know.. Ergo, we have 'budgeted' (budget, what does that even mean?) for a wedding coordinator. alllleeelluuuiaa!

Bottom line: indecisive people can't plan much.. let alone, their own darn wedding. Maybe the 24 month engagement wasn't such a bad idea, huh?


linklovin:
http://www.eventsbyemma.com/
our wedding planner. we've just had our first official meeting, and she's superb!

http://www.weddingbee.com/
my favourite wedding blog and soundboard

http://www.blfstudios.com/blog/?p=704
our photographer's blog - bond and leah freyer have the most beautiful photos!

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

. .ARE stupid.

I sit in my kitchen counter where in front of me, is a luscious looking 2L bottle of coke (not diet, not coke zero, but real, amazing, original, sweet, fizzy coke - FRESH from the fridge, to boot!). I focus on my laptop's entertainment, keeping my eyes on the screen.. occasionally letting my eye glance to the coke bottle - so guiltly, too - then quickly glance down to my keyboard...fumble with my fingers..and force myself to continue reading my blogs and sing with ke$ha* to block out my mind.

Then I start to let my head toy with the idea of taking a glass, filling it with ice, and pouring the coke into the glass.. I am now in sensory overload! I'm salivating like pavlov's dogs and my eyes at this point are fixated solely on the coke bottle.

Then I start rationalizing - I've done pretty good .. having only one glass of coke sometime last week. I can have just half a glass, it'll take care of the craving.

Then I get mad - good god, christine, get a hold of yourself, IT'S POP! I go get a glass of water and unfortunately (but expectedly) I am not satisfied - not even close!

Then I get an overwhelming sense of determination! I AM BETTER THAN YOU, YOU SUGAR FILLED CHEMICAL DRINK! I will overcome you! Just becuase you've been in my life since forever,doesn't mean I CAN'T CUT YOU OUT.

Then I say FUCK IT, open the bottle and poor me a full glass on the rocks. (very hastily as though someone is going to stop me**)


I drink it, enjoy it in the moment.. not thinking about anything but..

ahhh...

soo goood...

Then immediate regret (like the kind you get as you walk out of a store post- purchasing a ridiculous overpriced blouse for no real reason except the fact you have irrational 'needs' for apparel***)

Then writing a facebook note about this whole experience.. humorous NOW, definitely psychotic mind processing at the time.




SO CHEERS TO NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS.

CHEERS also to falling off the bandwagon, because it's gonna happen.. AND

CHEERS to having the strength to hop right back on, because you sooo CAN!





*who, btw, is tied in my books with lady gaga these days! amazing!
**adrian wasn't around, so i was in the clear!
*** i promse this hasn't happened in the last year.